An Intro of RAMPS

Hello Swee,

This is my first talk with you. Let get the honor of calling you Swee, with whom I can share everything from a simple incident to the most complicated feeling I can have.
I stay with 4 of my roommates. let us call them with their initial letter M, P, A, S and me R.

M is very simple, innocent and totally normal, mean he doesn't have any show off nature. He has been placed in the best company with the highest pay among us.  His mobile is best among ours as it was bought last month at EMI, so that is used for the special occasion to take pictures.

A is a jolly person, with a dedication towards his work. He is placed in the same country with P. He has the least knowledge of technology among us, but best if it comes about history, politics or any other subjects related to IAS. Yes, he is Bihari and prepares for being an IAS in near future. His phone doesn't work properly and he doesn't have Jio, so, he uses my phone to talk with anyone. All his money stays with me and I manage the expenses and dues of his.

P is a serious guy. We are not so close as I am with M and A. He is studious type boy who studies every day for the exam and has clear sight of things. Means he is always confident of what he says. For last three year he was vegetarian but for now, he started eating eggs. One day I asked Him about his dreams and he admitted to becoming a full-time bodybuilder and a gym trainer. He has the knowledge of politics and the latest NEWS.

S is a slow guy. He is a tortoise among us. But he has a wide knowledge of almost everything. He knows about the national as well as international NEWS. He plays games, does programming and always does the digital transactions.

R means me. I am totally different. I don't find a single constant quality in myself. I am the most dynamic person I can describe. I love to write, read, argue(not so good) and I don't know what exactly to say about myself. You will get know me eventually. For now, I am the money control manager of my flat. It is my responsibility to available food and other services to everyone, though it doesn't go very well but, I am good at that.

A has one brother call him AM, S has one brother and one sister SB and SS. M has one brother MB. And I have one sister RS.

We are not so good as the world think of us. But we are the best among us(all classmates roommates and other in college). In short, we all are RAMPS. 

Knowing Unkown

Everything is just another thing. What you do, what you want to achieve and what is standing all around you is just another form of illusion. Not for all but for many of you, and you might not be aware of it.

We keep moving here and there for a lot of works and purposes which ourselves are not clear of. We have broken thoughts, unending unsatisfaction from job and relationship and tons of regrets. We keep ourselves forcing toward next moment which turn into minutes further become hours, days and years. We don't have any memory of what we did last week, sometimes an hour before appears to be a year before. I hope you are not in such condition but Suraj is in.

He is Suraj, yes the sun as per the meaning says but without shine and light in him. I encountered him last week on the street, all alone and lonely lost in his thoughts. Same as me when our shoulders hit each other. Word "sorry, sorry" broke the silence and the thump sound of the strike followed by "it's ok" which came on our lips at the same time.

I moved my self further away on the street until I heard the sound "hey" and my foot took a pause. I turned around to see him but lack of light didn't allow me. We walked toward each other and sat on the brick arranged at the tea shop. At the night around 2AM, I went to sit with a total stranger on this lonely street. We shake our hands and went into silence. The barking of dogs was the only sound we could hear until he broke the silence with "what's up?"  

"Fine, How about you?"

"Really?"

I didn't want to say anything, I nodded my head and moved my eyes all around me other than on him. "Am I only noticing this unordered street but still resting in peace? Can't he see them all?" I asked myself.

"This street is at peace now," he said and I wondered if he heard my inner voice. He continued "in sunlight, it carries a lot of chaos. Did you notice it at around 7AM? It appears as the most ordered at that moment. You see that pit, It wasn't there last night. See that garbage bag, it is always overfilled and after we go from here, dogs will open it like a surprise bag and will spread on the corner of this street in order to find food for themselves. You see that empty place in front of that shop, an old man used to sleep at night but on last Friday owner pushed him away and now he sleeps on the footpath near the highway and for that he had to fight with locals over there. Balcony over our head gives a shelter to a girl, who laughs, talks and cries on call."

"Umm, so, you come here every day."

"Nope, I am here on the street every night and stay in that white painted house." 

I was surprised, we live in the same house and haven't seen him until now and he knows this street very well. "what do you do?" I inquired. 

"In the college. I have seen you before. You seemed to be so happy, and I never expected you at this moment and at this condition you would be sitting with me."

"What do you mean? What my condition?" I asked him and didn't dare to see him. "He probably is a writer or saint. Who in this world notices everything they see?" I spoke to myself.

"I have seen you waking up early morning, party with friends late at night and studying novels in the balcony. I always wanted to meet you but I fear if you get disappointed after meeting a person like me, who is broken. I have read your blogs but didn't dare to comment or like it. I remember the first day when I saw you, you were having tea with your friends at this tea stall."

Who is he? How does he know all about me? Does he follow me? I was totally confused. 

"I am not feeling good since last week, nothing is going well since last week and I don't have a single idea to deal with it" I opened up to him and felt very well. I continued "I am a bit surprised on your ability to notice the stuff and people around you. I will be a great help if you analysis my situation and help me notice the fact which I have been neglecting." I felt relaxed after so many days even I didn't say about my problems but his words and presence gave me positive vibes and I was so eager to explain everything to him. 

"Thanks a lot for considering me that abled person. I will be happy to help you," he said.

At the same moment, I heard the vibration and it was from his cell phone.

" An unexpected call, sorry!" he said. 

He received the call and said he got something so urgent and he asked for the sorry. He stood and went into the other street. And I was kind of shocked, why did he go in another street? I had many questions but it had doubled by now. I hardly can stabilize myself any more. I got and went to my bed and sleep. I couln't forget his words and was waiting for next night. 

1st Fall

1^st Fall

After 6months.

Time 9 A.M.

“Jack, where are you lost?” My dad said.

Next thing I was expecting from him that he will say, “Don’t worry you will get good marks.” But for my surprise he said, “You are sure na that your exam went well, in case you don’t pass, the next thing you will feel is yourself sitting in the shop and selling grocery.”

We reached my school, since it was Term1 result no other parents came to take that but mine. And what happened next was totally different. Everyone had got unexpected marks, even The Mohit, who was crying for loss of 10 marks after the exam had got 95%. As usual Saurav was the topper of the class. Followed by Khusi and Mohit. 

Slowly I reached to my class teacher who was distributing our grade cards. I was so confident that I will pass in all, even the English. I didn’t know why but my dad silently said to my teacher, “we will take care next time, for the finals.” Hearing this my heart broke into pieces. He handed me the grade card and asked me to prepare for facing my mom after failing in 5 subjects out of 7. I had 97 in Math, 32 in English, 21 in EVS, 35 in Moral science, 31 in Hindi, 80 in Drawing, 20 in Computer and finally 10 in social science. I had failed math as it challenges me, and others failed me as I challenged them.

I could exactly remember the journey back to my home, no word at all, closer I go more frightened I become. Though my dad said something in the morning, but he usually doesn’t make much decisions, it is not because he can’t but he believes that my mom can make better for creating me into better person, because she was from the city and he was from the village.

I was so lucky to have Granny at my home, but that could also not postpone my reward for getting such great marks. Here you will know the other side of my Mom’s character. A while later, mom, called me in other room.  I got enough sticks on my hand and everywhere possibly one can get. After my mom was tired of rewarding. There appeared my loving granny from other room, and I was angry on her for coming so late in this room. She is like police always comes after the incident.

Granny wiped my tears and made me sit in her lap. She is the sweetest person I ever know. Even I love my granny more than my mom. Her words always change me. At that moment she wanted me to understand my conditions.

She said, “Beta, you are our only son, your mom also doesn’t feel good after beating you, you know na, you will get your favorite food for the dinner. Jack you know, you are treasure to her, a golden one. She invests everything she have in you to make you a person she wanted to be, but she didn’t because of lack of opportunity. You know your mama, used to study whole night and see he earn so well and having good life in Delhi. What you have, a small rented Flat, so less toys, and leave in a society where everyone wants to play. I know it hard for you to study. But harder things always bring luxury and happiness. You know we didn’t have enough money to send your mom, mausi and mama, to school, but we stayed at their uncle’s home so that they can study. Your mama used to stay with eldest uncle whose son was least interested in study and best at disturbing, but your mama used to wait until late night so that he sleeps and he can study. You know your mama take airplane to visit different places in India.”

After all these I used to feel satisfied with a reason to study and a reason to get through the punishment. But the conversation after that change me into motivated.

“Airplane, that’s Is cool I too want to have a ride on it,” I said with a serious look. Though riding a train was so uncommon for me.

“You know Jack, the waitress over there are called airhostess, they speak in English and serve food and drinks and will help in everything like your assistant. And they earn so much!”

“Wow, can they make my notes?” I made the joke.

“Ha Ha, No.”

“Granny, how much do I have to study to become airhostess?”

“I don’t know, maybe you can ask your mom.”

Slowly my mood boosted up and I became the old Jack, happy and cheerful, until I got one sharp look of my mom. I took my books and started studying, at least on the day of result I was not supposed to play, else that would act as the oil to the fire.

At evening I got kheer and puri as dinner. And after the dinner, It was the session for my mom to encourage me for my study.

She said, “How was the food?”

“It was awesome, I loved that.”

“And if you study hard I would pack these for your lunch every day.”

“No, mom, I don’t want it for lunch!”

“why?” She said with surprise.

“Everyone says that you cook very testy and they eat 75% of my food.”

“Ha Ha, no problem study hard, I will give two lunch boxes. By the way why did you get so less marks?”

And finally she asked me, what my dad had asked me to be prepare for. But I didn’t want to make excuse, so said politely, it is English, troubling me so much otherwise see my math I topped in that.”

“Ok, study hard. “

“Mummy, how can I become airhostess?”

“How far I know, a boy can’t be airhostess, but there are Stewards, you can be one of those. For being those you have to top in all the exams and learn how to speak in English. Without English you are none to the outside this village world. You have to be happy and healthy. And you must know how to take care of others but they teach these stuffs.”

“Did you ever have a flight?”

“No, I give your school fees.”

“I promise you mom, I won’t fail ever in exam from now onwards.”

“It is better for you, don’t fail.”

“Jack, you might find yourself fallen several times on the ground, but remember one who gets up after every fall, wins finally, remember the story of ants. Be calm and enjoy the school from tomorrow, this time you are away from grocery shop.”

I slept that night with a dream of working on airplane. The next day, everyone was so happy to have good marks, and everyone was suggesting me whatever they can. Everyone was showing sympathy to me, and I was feeling as if I am crying loudly and with all my heart. This was my first fall. But I was holding. Here came a voice, sweet gentle and lovely, “Hey Jack”, from right behind me.

Mohit and Khusi were there, and were smiling as if they are having something good for me. Else everyone was making me feel awkward.

“Awesome Jack, you are awesome ……………………………………

The First day

“Jack

Jack”

“Where are you?”, my mom was searching for me. She went to the other room, my box room (my special experiment room was the box of our bedroom) and on the terrace.

And we were busy in planning for the coming holi festival. We were so busy that mom’s voice was not audible though she was speaking loud enough to listen from the street.

“Here you are, sitting at gate! Now, you forget about your shopping. A while ago you were so excited that I had to stop my work in halfway. Come on, get ready.”

“Mummy, here is some more stuffs in the list”, I said her with fear. And for surprise she didn’t say anything but smiled. We went market and enjoyed very much. We did our special holi shopping. Though holi was after 5 days, but needed a lot of time for planning. I had a bigger issue than holi, I had to prepare for my English school.

Here, I got up at 5 A.M. I checked my bag once again, pencil sharpness, eraser, sharpener, scale, pen, notebooks, water bottle, and arranged them in order with an extra space for lunchbox. Then I went to polish my shoes again, though I did last night but I wanted it to appear as new.

“Mummy, is lunch ready? I don’t want to be late at new school.”  

“Still you have an hour. Go and have bath properly!”

                                                 ---------*--------

“Hurry up papa! They won’t allow me if I be too late,” I spoke loudly from some steps ahead on the footpath. He was trying to walk faster, but I was at my full speed of run. The closer I reached, more fear started emerging inside me.

I remembered how my mom used to say, “my son is very brave, he never cries while going for school.”  And those word were holding me together, no droplet appeared from the eyes but I was losing my smile, losing my speed. Though I was running, we reached together at the school gate. I was standing under the mango tree at the gate. Many boys were late, and were standing in two different queues. One with the boys and girls with the bicycle and other pedestrians like me. We waited for the assembly to finish. A boy was saying something in English and was addressing to whole school, and others were listening carefully. A little later Our principal spoke something and assembly finished with a Hindi prayer which I liked. Hindi prayer was, “Hum Honge kamyab, hum honge kamyab ek din……”

At last my dad spoke something with a teacher (PT teacher, which I came to know later) and I was allowed to enter the school with a condition that that should be my first and last opportunity to be away from the punishment. I went to my class; way to the class was assisted by Champa Didi (caretaker of school); much bigger than the last classroom I saw near the office. With 2 large windows, and classroom full of boys and girls. I reached near the classroom, and was waiting to collect enough courage to speak in English with English medium teacher at class hours. And it was really tough to be so strong, but I managed and I stood in front of the gate. Everyone stared at me as if I was an alien. Some whispered, “Sir!” My fear reached to its peak. Sir turned his face towards me, I wanted to run back. But I controlled and opened my mouth to speak. But he said so politely, “Son, do you need something?”

I expanded my right hand in air until it reached to the height of shoulder, and asked with a lot of strength, “may I come in sir?” and the moment after saying was the far more relaxing than all the time until now.

“Yes, come in.”

“Today is my first day.”

“Oh, so you are the maths boy,” he said “boys and girls, he is your new friend.”

“Can you introduce yourself to the class?” he asked me.

I felt like being roasted in boiling oil of hell. I didn’t expect this question so early, I was thinking what to say. Suddenly he said, “Saurav, come here.”

“He is Saurav, our class leader. Saurav, introduce your class and classroom to him.”

“I am Saurav, ………….” Was the only thing which I understood at that moment, and other words were like stars in the sky, hearing them was pleasant but understanding them was impossible. I gave a broad smile and gentle nod at every full stop I understood from his English speech. And said ok at last.

Sir didn’t ask me to introduce myself. He suggested a seat closer to Rahul, on second desk adjacent to girl’s bench on right. Class was so suffocating, English words, which I loved to hear, started becoming fast passing balls over the head in the cricket stadium. Next came the Hindi teacher, though I felt Hindi as hard at this school, but I understood enough to be satisfied for the day.

At break time, I was at the bench and everyone was standing around me. Gazing at me in such a manner that made me think that I am wrong person at wrong place. A gentle voice appeared from my back, “What is your name?”

“Jack, Jack Singh.”

A boy from behind said surprisingly, “Jackson, is it Michel Jackson?”

I didn’t understand what he meant but I said, “No, Jack Singh.”

“Sorry, He is just kidding,” said the gentle voice, “I am Khusi, I joined last year and I understood, you didn’t understand anything of Saurav’s speech in the morning.”

She said, “you can make me your first friend, Don’t worry I am very good at being friend but everyone says that I am too talkative to be friend. Never mind what they say, I saw you with the teacher after the assembly. He is our PT teacher, Mr. Ram Sudin. You can call him PTS (physical trainer Sudin). Our class teacher is the coolest person in the school, and he is Mr. Sudepto dutta, call him MSD, but don’t think him Mahendr Singh Dhoni.  Our Hindi teacher, Acharya Sudhir Shastri, the best teacher of Hindi and Sanskrit in Harnaut.”

“Thank you khusi! Hearing you is more relaxing after so unexpected situation at this English medium school.”

“This is break and is for 10 minutes, so go and be fresh. And be ready to face more teachers.”

I thanked her, and 4 more teachers came and somehow I finished the class. For all the 4 classes fear and her way of looking to me was common. She understood my feeling more than anyone until today.

It was the last bell when I picked up my bag and run towards the gate. And for my surprise I was the only one running out from the class. For a moment, everything just stopped. I started counting the period passed as Khusi had said about 7 classes a day. I was feeling shy, more than any other time until that day. I slowly turned my head and took my way back to my seat with a cat like steps. It was again she, who said, ‘we pray, before we leave class.’

This prayer was very big for the first day; I couldn’t resist to open my eyes and was shocked to see almost all boys were just making fun. But girls were so disciplined.

Finally, I met my dad under the mango tree. He was so happy to see me, proudness was clearly flowing out from his eyes, smile and the way he was walking towards me. Though the day wasn’t best and in my favor but was good enough to be satisfied after all I had completed 1^st day at English medium school.

I was so happy to return my home. I can’t remember if it was the happiness of returning home or finishing 1^st day class or starting step for becoming English medium boy. Anyway I was so confident and happy and the feeling I was having in the classroom was lost very tiny in front of this happiness.

We walked straight to home.

                                     ----------*----------

   

                                                                                  

 

It's OK to compromise

“English medium school.”

I reached at the gate of Rahul’s home. Suddenly I came at halt when I saw Rahul’s mom, cleaning rice while sitting under the sun. Rahul’s Dad was having lunch, sitting close to his mom. I gave a broad smile with confidence and expected a lot questions. Adjusted my half pant, arranged my hairs and cleaned my face with my hand.

“Namaste Uncle, Namaste Aunty.”

“Namaste Beta”, Uncle replied. So do Aunty.

“Rahul was saying that you went for Admission today. Did you take the admission?” Uncle asked.

I felt so respected. I answered with a big smile and proudness, “yes, I took the admission.”

“How was the school?”

“Was good. You know Uncle, School has a policeman at the gate to check who enters the school. And I heard him speaking in English. And the principal was like our president, Abdul Kalam, well dressed and was speaking so politely. Even the students were taking in English and dressed like officer.”

“Did you see everything in school?”, Rahul asked.

“School is very big, It will take many days to know and visit everything. Today we went only in office department. But I was lucky to see one class adjoining the office room. You know, that class had 3times bigger black cemented board with no dents or marks. One corner was well decorated with color chaulks. And something was written in English at top. There was on board of green color, where many colourful pictures and ribbon was hanging. And you know, we will be sitting on benches. And the playground is so big, you can also come with me to play.”

“Papa, I also want to take admission”, Rahul said to his Dad.

“we will see”, his dad replied.

We both run to my home to tell my mom that Rahul will also be taking admission. Though his dad didn’t confirm but we know, dads never reject any request especially when you ask something related to study.

My mom is not always so happy as she was with me until the admission, so I asked Rahul to stand near my gate. And I went inside to see what is happening inside my home.

My dad was saying, “But you had said will be Rs100 per month, can we manage Rs150? And they took admission fees and other charges. I don’t think it is possible to manage him in that high-figh school. Can’t we wait 1 year more, so that we can save enough money and put both of them (my sister and me) next year in the same school?”

“No, we can’t wait”, my mom said strongly. “I don’t want my child to be like us uneducated due to lack ok money. After all we don’t need savings, we need our children’s good future. You didn’t see, I saw him talking with principal. Jack was excited and happy to study. I can’t afford late in his studies. Already he is so late.”

“Ok, If you say. So, do you have enough money for dresses and other things. I have this 50 rupee. Take, it will be helpful.” My loving dad replied to her.

“Don’t need, keep it for further use. I will make his dress at home. Your shirt has the same color as his dress code so, I will adjust according to his size. And he can manage with steel lunch box for now. I will cleaned his bag; you bring one Saktiman sticker in the evening that we will put on the cover of bag. We will buy necktie and belt. Our son is best son he will not bother with these things.” My mom said.

I was hearing all this conversation, standing behind the wall. I didn’t want my mom and dad to be sad because of me. So, I returned back to the gate and asked Rahul to come with me and I said him that all is ok inside. I started making loud noise and run into the home. I said to my mom, “mummy, Rahul is also getting admission in the school.”

“You know Rahul, I was thinking to design my own bag for my class, I have heard that students in English medium is so creative, so I have to be. Come help me to wash my bag” I said to Rahul.

Rahul was so happy and said yes to everything. We cleaned the bag and went to my mom. Dad was resting and watching TV after the lunch.

“Mummy, I don’t need Saktiman on my bag. I am going to English medium School, so some English-man should be on the bag. So, first I will find who is English man and then we will buy bag.” I explained to my mom.

I was pretending that I didn’t listen what they had spoken just before I came. At the same time, I was seeing my parents face, and hoping for some good expressions for me.

My mom said, “didn’t I say you that our son is so grown up. My lovely Jack. Come and eat, and call Rahul too.”

We had a nice lunch, Rahul was fan of my mom’s food. Everyone in our colony used to ask help in cooking for special foods. After the lunch I took out a paper and pencil to write the list of things to be bought in evening, and I wanted to know what really was most important to buy. I didn’t want my dad and mom to be struggling much for me, at the same time I wanted to go for English study. So, it was necessary to compromise in some part of it.

My mom had said, “Everyone don’t get exactly what he wants, but he can compromise some parts to get best out of whole.”

After hours of discussion we prepared a list of things to be bought.

1.       Shirt (I was knowing this mom will cancel and I didn’t find any reason to cancel myself.)

2.       Netaraj Pencil, sharpener and eraser 1 piece each (Apsara was so costly.)

3.       Thin notebook 4 pieces

4.       Shocks (I decided to clean my shoes. After all, all school have black shoes as dress code.)

When I said about this list, she didn’t say much but “good”, but I realized the expression she made after hearing so small list, which was too larger in morning. By the way now it was time to go for market. I was very much excited for the shopping. So, I was asking mom “when are we going?”. And my question was arising after each 5 minutes. Though it was only 5 minutes for outer world but for me, it was hours.

English School

The day was awesome. Everything was more than just fine.

I had just finished my Exam for the day and was relaxing on my bed.  Things has started being normal after she left. Or, I let her go. Or, I made her go because of my foolishness.  It is almost 2 months since everything had finally stopped, including the fights. My prayer to God started changing. I stopped asking god to delete love for her in me but I started asking for the strength to divert love for her in a constructive manner.  My action to my work and my reaction to the situation was enough to prove my changes. I closed my eyes, allowed my thoughts to float randomly. I saw a bright light in front of me. Slowly everything started becoming more clear. I was standing on the terrace. I heard a voice, “Jack, oye jack.”

“Jack your mom is calling you”, Rahul Shouted.

“OK, Rahul, I have to go for admission at new school.”

“Where?”

“Loyola School, English medium,” I replied proudly. Though I was wearing torn pant and shirt with broken button, I was feeling like prince by pronouncing the word English medium.

“Hey mummy, should I bath with new soap today?”

“As you wish but don’t keep it in water for long time.”

“OK mom.”

I had an awesome bath, hot water direct from hand-pump. Our Indian Hand-Pumps are natural Geyser maybe you can call it Cooler-Cum-Geyser, because we get hot water in winter and cold water in summer.

“Mummy, which dress should I wear?”

“Wear the new one, which we bought on your uncle marriage.”

“Oho, so lucky day mom” I said.

“Mummy, will I start my class today?”, I asked with excitement.

“From tomorrow, my son.”

My mom and I reached on street. New School was 2Km away.

“Jack, don’t run! Hold my hand.”

“Ok Mummy.” And we moved ahead on street.

“Mummy, see that poor cow, no one loves her. See, how she is sitting in garbage. Her mummy didn’t teach her to be away from dirty things. You know mom?”

“What?”

‘May be her mummy wasn’t so smart like you.’

“Maybe, but you know Jack, Mummy is always smart.”

“Yes, I know it, my Mummy is the best.”

“Jack?”

“What?”

“Will you study properly in school?”

“so much.”

“Mummy!” I shouted.

“Mummy, see, he is from that School.”

“How can you say?”

“You are fool mummy, don’t you see his white shirt, blue pant and Necktie, just like an officer.”

“From tomorrow you too will be dressed like him.”

“Mummy! Why this policeman is standing on gate?”

“He is not Policeman. He is called gatekeeper.”

At that time, Gatekeeper was so uncommon to find in a locality like ours. We reached to the principal office. Principal asked me to attain one test to check my ability and to be confirm about the class to start my study. I was at test and my mom was sitting beside me. We were in a small room, full of new books. They asked me some Math and English. They checked my paper and replied, “Your Child is awesome in mathematics but a bit low in English. It will be hard for him to manage class 3 subjects; they are in English.”

“Sir I know all the mathematics until class 6. Why are you saying about class3?  At least I can go in class4. Isn’t mom? I was currently in class3, how can I study same thing twice? Sir, I know English as well.” I put out one book of poem and showed him, “See, this is my English book, I know it all.”

Sir just smiled and said that was class1 book. I put my head down and suddenly took out my math book and translation book. And said, “See, this is class7 Mathematics book, which I am learning now. And this my Advance English translation book. You can ask me any meaning or spelling, I know it very well.”

He didn’t reply anything, but he said to my mom, “He is very Good in Mathematics, and I appreciate that but you can understand this is English medium school, even mathematic will be difficult to understand.”

“but my sir said, I can beat any class 6 student in math. My sir has taught us to play with number in math.”

“Ok Son, so I suggest you study class3 again. And if I find you doing well, you will be promoted to class5 next year.”

 My mom and me agreed on the terms. We completed the formality and came out from the campus.

“Mummy, I will study so hard, and will reach class 10 soon. But I am not so happy to study class3 again. Rahul will laugh on me. I don’t have to tell him the class. By the way I will be learning English, and he know nothing, even he can’t write essay on ‘The Cow’.  Mummy, will we be going for shopping today?”

“Yes, we will buy your dress, lunch box, a bag, a pencil box and grocery for home.”

“Mummy you forget so many things.”

“What?”

“Shoes, shocks, pencil, pen, notebook, necktie, belt, Lunch box with spoon on top, bag with Saktiman, cold-drink bottle for water and, I forget.”

“Ok, anything for you. But promise that you won’t waste any of it and will study hard.”

“God promise mummy. Can we eat Golgapa?”

“No, Your dad would be waiting for food at home with your little sister.”

We reached home after walk of 20mins. She went inside the home and I went to advertise myself.

“Rahul, I got admission in English medium school.” I shouted and run in the street towards his house. Shouting again and again, “I Got admitted in English medium school.”

“English medium school.”

“English medium school.”

....

The last letter

The last letter

Hi Rose,

There was a man, who went swimming. He deep his head under water. Everything was so silent and was supported by stopped breath. He was hearing the sound of silence, feeling far apart from the artificial modern world. Love between the water and skin’s cells was so perfect. Darkness behind the closed eyes was so sweet. No more feel of stress in the body. He gently waved his hand to remain in water, floating, hanging from nothing. Passing of water through the skin while waving was like the best touch he ever felt. He smoothly pushed water with his legs and moved little nearer to surface. At a sudden he felt something around his left leg, the touch of fish’s lip was another incredible feel which made his hair dance and gave small wave in the smooth flow of blood through the body. He went deeper to get more fishes and touched grasses.

At a sudden he felt something around his right leg. He stopped his thoughts, loosed stress on eyes and became so still to feel this perfectly. But he couldn’t feel anything in that stillness. He was to out of breath so he pushed his legs on the ground to reach the surface. He got pulled while he was in half way, he was almost out of breath. He tried so hard to reach at surface. But he noticed some weeds had got him, all the silence just fades into a battle to breath. Smooth and gentle pushes became struggling attempts. Eyes were open but darkness was surrounding his believe and life. He was almost out of breath and the first forced water enter through mouth and nose and hammered his stomach. His voice for help was just eaten by the silence around him. And the feeling what he had, the helplessness he felt at that moment is Exactly how I feel while writing this letter.

"The last letter"

When I turn pages of my past. Each time I get surprise to see that You are the best thing ever happened to me and the moments with you is floating as best memories until now.

There is always a moment in everyone life when he changes in a flash of a second and he doesn’t realize it. Nothing such happen in my life, I always search for that moment, which change me into adult, which make me mature. I am fully with my childish mistakes, which hurt you several times. I can’t remember the number of times, sorry, I asked. Now I am shy of saying ‘sorry’ anymore. So, this has to stop.

There was time when you felt honored being with me. The love and care you offered was like whole candy shop in lap of a kid. I started dreaming ‘walks with you along the beach’ and ‘a life in a small home, away from this selfish and cruel world.’   

Another phase came in relation and I failed to keep the most important promise. From the moment you started turning face from me, my days started becoming dry and unpleasant. These days are like hot summer burning skin in coldest of winter, such paradox started existing in my life.

I failed to make you mine again. And when you are not mine, no songs seem to made for me. No joke is a joke anymore. I couldn’t see my life ahead. My future seems to be black and white slow movie. And I know I can’t make you back, at least not now.

Someone has said, “let your Love go, if it returns then I was truly yours otherwise it was better that it leaved you before destroying you fully.” And I believe in my feelings for you. I don’t ask you to wait, but just keep good moment of us as a memory in some corner of your thoughts.

You are rose which attract all my bee like thoughts and I got addicted of your words and love juice in you petals.

I know saying sorry won’t make any difference anymore but I’m sorry.  

I always love you. No day passes without your thoughts. I am just waving and pushing the moments to reach nearer to you my queen. I want to be honored to be yours. I will try all to prove that. “Love never Dies.”

Miss you

Love you swee

Waiting for my love

Your swee

Jack